REFLECTIONS: T I P S

                                Love means
                               the art of being with others.

Meditation means
                                the art of being with our self.

They are two aspects of the same coin.

         A person who does not know
                                  how to be with himself
                                 cannot truly relate with others.

                                 His relationship will be accidental.

   One moment everything is going well and
                                    another moment everything is gone.

                                  It will always be going up and down.

   It will not gain depth and
                                     it cannot take us to the heights of existence
                                 or depths of being.

Similarly the person

who is not capable of being with others

will find it difficult to relate with himself,

because the art of relating is the same.

Whether we relate with others or

we relate with our self

it is the same art.

WHEN TROUBLES START TROUBLING YOU,
WHEN OBSTACLES START OBSTRUCTING YOU,
WHEN PROBLEMS START HARASSING YOU,

CONVERT ALL YOUR
TROUBLES, OBSTACLES & PROBLEMS
INTO A FOOT BALL
AND
KICK STRAIGHT
AND
SCORE THE GOAL.

THE WHOLE WORLD WILL APPLAUD YOU.

Poland's Blaszczykowski shoots to score against Russia during Euro 2012 soccer match in Warsaw

1                  S T R E S S
If what you are doing does not work, don't keep doing it. It is a waste of your time and energy. You are not going to gain anything.
Change the losing game and avoid the folly of your own making.
Miss-managing time, postponing, over loading with low priority tasks, skipping meals and sleep can only heighten your stress levels.

1, AVOID being a PERFECTIONIST, who do things meticulously
2. AVOID being a WORKAHOLIC,    who go on working.
3. AVOID being a CARE TAKER, looking after everyone, except self.
4, AVOID being a   PLEASER,        who cannot say NO
5. AVOID being   TOP CLASS,     aggressive, hard-driving, competitive etc.,
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2       YOU ARE STRESSED.

Are you leading a monotonous life, a routine job, limited friends circle, not living with your family, or an emotional void, suffering from eating or sleep disorder, skin problem or falling hair… Dissatisfaction and stress in place of work is the main reason. Meeting the deadline, maintaining quality standards, managing human resources, accepting challenging tasks emerging bad vibes with colleagues, tough assignments & situations beyond your capacity and time-frame, etc., add to your discomfiture. Sometimes the real problem may not be the work but the peripheral aspects like environment, team-mates, lack of appreciation etc.,

Psychiatrists say YOU ARE STRESSED.

You are leading an unhealthy lifestyle. You must get out of this depressive set up..   Job satisfaction and life satisfaction is complementary. Happy people find satisfaction in work and a job that conforms to ones interests and skills. Be selective in taking assignments, distinguish between vital and unproductive work, cut the flab and focus on important stuff, never let frustration over power you. You must indulge in some activity that gives you pleasure and happiness. You should cultivate a hobby, join some dance or music classes, read books, log on to internet, play games to relax, go for a walk, keep silence for 10 min and calm yourself, align yourself with the assignment and enjoy your work. Learn a foreign language , join cooking classes, indulge in gardening. Do something that relaxes you; make some changes in lifestyle and eat a well balanced meal. Don’t sit in your room talking to the walls. Join a class and make new friends and you will find refreshing change in your outlook. A little physical exercise and some games will improve your blood circulation, increase your blood flow to the brain which can rejuvenate and relax your mind.

3        ===== = S T R E S S      T E S T ======

1. A man was carrying a heavy load on his head and looked tired and when asked, retorted " Dont you understand, I am carrying a load..."
2. A bulky man came looking tired and when asked, retorted " Don't you understand, I am heavy and unable to carry myself.."
3. A normal man came looking tired and when asked, retorted " you will not understand my problems, going on in my head...."
The first two can be helped; not the third one with a heavy mind.

4. A man was riding a buffalo. He had a heavy load on his head. When asked why he was carrying the load on his head when he was already riding the buffalo, he replied " I do not want to add burden to the buffalo, so I am carrying it myself to help it." You cannot help such people.

5. A teacher asked a student," Can you hold this cup ? " It was a ridiculous question. The boy said "Yes. No problem". The teacher asked him to hold the cup and his hand straight. " No problem", The teacher filled the cup with water. " No problem". The teacher asked him to hold the cup with water in his hand straight, till he finished his class. " No problem". After a while, the boy could not hold it any longer, suffered in agony, struggled to hold on and finally had to drop it. This was a deliberate suffering caused by light weight.

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4             DON'T   WORRY

           A worried man is like a warrior, fighting a mental war with the object of worry. Many times, he is more like a devotee totally absorbed in mediation or prayer. Prayer is an invocation of a deity communicating one's thoughts and problems and requesting guidance or favor. The thought-process is same. The thoughts of worry, confusion, doubt and fear generate more of the same, leading to aggravation..
           To change your life, begin by changing your thoughts. Every thought is a prayer. You cannot change the outer world without addressing the negative thoughts held in your mind about it. It is futile trying to change the outer world without first changing your inner world. You will find the outer world keep repeating the same pattern over and over until you change your own mind. The moment you change, the moment your attitude shifts, so does the situation.
5               CHASE WORRIES   AWAY

1.    Keep yourself busy.
2.    Look at the assumptions of a problem rationally and also of alternative solutions .
3.    Don’t fuss about trifles. Don’t permit little things to ruin your long-term happiness.
4.    Avoid being in the company of people who always find the negative in the positive.
5.    Be aware of all the feelings experienced due to a problem.
6.    Bury the past, which is dead.
7.    Physical exercise, deep breathing and mediation helps when you are stressed.
8.   Be in sync with your natural sleep-wake cycle.
9.   Write down positive affirmative statements prior to sleep.
Example: I am free from worry, tension, stress, anxiety, anger, insomnia, pain…
                   I have good memory, focus, attention, confidence, relationship…
10.   When an option is not visible, sleep over the problem and you might find an answer next morning. The brain works calmly when you sleep.

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6                     D O N O T

Do not approach any matter without any proper inquiry. Search and find the truth. Do not focus only on negative points It is a bad habit. Remember the positive side also. What you like may be bad for you and vice versa. Recognize these as root cause of mental stress. Keep your mind clear. Do not approach all matters with a pre conceived obsolete notion-- make fresh inquiries. Experiment...Go to different sources and check up personally and examine in detail. Do not magnify defects and deficiencies as a habitual strategical approach. Evaluate the positive plus points. Avoid your reinforced inborn personal likes and dislikes. Do not be a stereotype robot.

Do not stress your mind in analyzing everything about others. Examine yourself instead. You will find that you are yourself not O K. Learn to accept what others say in your interest. Your mind is the culprit. It harasses you by showing everything and every one in bad light, as if they are motivated and determined to misguide you. Do not get entangled in its trap. Control the mind, take proper decision and find peace.

Stop finding faults in anything and everything. It is not worth a pie. Good for nothing activity. Learn to accept and agree with what is happening. Make it a habit and lessen your stress. Do not postpone decisions and keep on analyzing endlessly the pros and cons of the pending issue. Fix it and resolve it once and for all. Be bold. Everything will be OK. You can always revise the decision. Everything happens for the good only. Observe what others are doing and adopt the same attitude. It will be ok otherwise so many would not be doing it. Do not try to be unique and special in your approach. You may be actually antagonizing them. Speak like them, behave like them and proceed like them. You may eventually start liking it and find it easy and beneficial. Try this experiment frequently and you will find more friendly support gathering around you. Life becomes joyful.

Always do what you like to do. Do not struggle to impress others by pretending to be different from what you actually are. Do not show off as if you are contrary from what you truly are. You are deceiving yourself and others also. It will slowly lead to (false life) split- personality and none will trust you anymore. It generates strain/stress/contradictions/mental disturbance and not worth the effort. Disown such habits. Learn to behave in a straight-forward simple and genuine manner. Learn to analyze your own actions, habits, behavior,by the same methods/yardstick and discover what exactly is going on in your mind. This is what you are doing about others. Do it for yourself and redeem yourself out of the quagmire. What is the use of analyzing others. They will always remain what they are. Better to analyze yourself and rectify your own mind set, and free yourself from these debilities. Let others be what they are. Stop taking interest in them. Let you improve yourself.

My mind is myself..I am my body also.My mind is more powerful.It is very deceptive and can play tricks, without my awareness. The mind is the real instrument. It can save me or ruin me. It is the steering wheel of the vehicle of my body. For a safe and pleasant journey of life, a well regulated, disciplined, controlled, channeled mind is necessary, to avoid wayward, erratic or freak destination. Once your mind is under your control, good personal health, happiness to self, family, peace and progress to one and all, will accrue.

Why should you worry about the whole world and all about others ? Let them bother and sort it out themselves; it is not your job. Do not imitate and live other people's lives, overshadowing your own life. Quit living for them or their lives. Unless you claim your life as your own, you cannot free yourself from external stress.
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7                GOOD NIGHT

If you are still awake without sleep, read this and understand why you are suffering this sleep disorder.

        1. Lifestyle habits acquired from childhood.
        2.   Irregular/erratic sleeping time, every night
        3.   Lying awake in bed too long
        4.   Reading story books/studying in bed in the night
        5. Day time napping
        6.   Working evening/night shifts
        7.   Watching disturbing TV serials till late in night
        8.   Working on computers in the bed.
        9.   Noisy environment near bed room
      10. Too much /glaring lights around bed room
      11. Effect of drugs/medications
      12. Late night drinking of coffee, Alcohol/smoking
      13. Worries, Anxiety and Thyroid disorders
      14. Mental disturbance like anger,insult,fear etc.,
      15. Mental boxing

First of all, evaluate your life style patterns affecting your sleep.
Make little changes here and there and follow rigid patterns inducing sleep. Take a shower, preferably in the evening to induce sleep. Keep your head North-side and feet south-side to avoid negative magnetic fields. Eat less and drink milk before going to sleep. Switch on your Radio and listen to your favorite songs and lullabies. Recall sweet memories of your life, keep counting.If you are still lay awake, check up with your Doctor.
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8 You are responsible

You are 100% responsible for your own happiness.
Other people are not responsible
Your parents are not responsible.
Your spouse is not responsible.
You alone are.
So if you are not happy, it is up to you to change something.
It is not up to someone else to “fix it” for you

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9 NINE POINT PROGRAM ME

1.   BE TRUE AND HONEST. Never fabricate so that you will not be left red-faced. If it is sensitive, explain how and why it is so. Put the facts on the table.
2.   ANGER should be canalized to good use. Step back and analyze what angered you. Face them in a calm and calculated way.
3.    DON'T RAVE AND RANT over a lost pin. Friends and family will soon start ignoring you. Lower your voice. Make a sharp point to make them watch out for it
4.   DO NOT DELEGATE. Do it yourself, if it is very important and use your personal touch and goodwill. Go there yourself.
5.   Nurture good working RELATIONSHIPS with colleagues with help and guidance. Apologize for any controversies misunderstandings. Such gestures have a way of coming around.
6.   Better distance yourself, if you can’t GET ALONG with somebody. Don’t squabble endlessly and don’t talk about what went wrong.
7.   TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for failures and successes. Passing the buck to a superior or junior is in bad taste.
8.   DON’T OFFER EXPLANATIONS. Your enemies wont believe them. Your friends don’t need them. Go ahead with what you think is correct. Don’t try to please everyone.
9.   CONSULTING family and friends is one thing. If you are sure of what you want, don’t waste time convincing to get their approval.
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10 If you see something that you want to change and can do it, then go ahead.
    If for any reason you cannot make the change,   then put it out of your mind.
         You can return to the idea later,   when it is more appropriate.

Sometimes jobs get done effortlessly, people respond favorably. You feel new surge of vitality, charisma and make your big moves when people are on your wave length. Other days, people are moody, you cannot make any headway and projects stall. During your downtime, you feel vulnerable and depleted.
                       WAIT for the right time
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11                             why fear    ?
          From what is dear, grief is born. From what is dear, fear is born.
          For someone freed from what is dear, there is no grief…so why fear ?

          From what is loved, grief is born, from what is loved fear is born.
          For someone freed from what is loved, there is no grief.. so why fear ?

          From delight grief is born, from delight fear is born.
          For someone freed from delight, there is no grief. So why fear ?

          From sensuality grief is born. From sensuality fear is born.
          For someone freed from sensuality, there is no grief…so why fear ?

          From craving, grief is born. From craving fear is born.
          For someone freed from craving, there is no grief. So why fear ? DAMMAPADA
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12 Guarding knowledge is not a good way to understand. Understanding means to throw away your knowledge. You have to be able to transcend your knowledge, the way people climb a ladder. The technique is to release…letting go of our views and knowledge in order to transcend.. Understanding is like water. Knowledge is old. It blocks the way of understanding. Water can flow, can penetrate…..

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13              Be relaxed and happy. It is important.

   Your body should relax first. Whatever you do, learn to do it in a relaxed manner ...the way you talk, read, sit, bathe, work, drive and everything. Your deliberate intention to relax itself will make it happen. When you relax, your body generates healthy chemicals. When you are tense, unhealthy chemicals spread over your body.

Therefore learn to relax.    Let yourself be happy. Try yourself to be happy. Smile more often. Practice laughing meditation. Laugh without reason. Nobody is going to make you happy. You have to be happy yourself. Best antidote against anger is laughter. When you get angry, laugh it off. Free yourself from the tension of anger, which dissipates your energy.    Fight against negative thoughts like suspicion, envy, jealosy, rivalry, anxiety etc., Dissociate yourself from it. View it as a spectator from the gallery. Replace it with love, kindness and other positive thoughts.
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14.         TWENTY POINTS TO PONDER

1)       HAVE THE COURAGE TO CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN, SERENITY TO ACCEPT WHAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. COMMON SENSE IN AN UNCOMMON DEGREE IS WISDOM.

2)       MAKE THE EFFORT TO BEGIN TO ACCEPT OTHER PEOPLE FULLY AS THEY ARE. THE TRAGEDY IS THAT OUR OWN MIND IS NOT IN OUR CONTROL. AND WHAT IS THE COMEDY? OUR OWN MIND WHICH IS NOT IN OUR CONTROL, WITH THAT UNCONTROLLED MIND WE WANT TO CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE’S MIND WHICH IS NOT EVEN IN THEIR CONTROL—AN IMPOSSIBLE TASK!!! THIS IS THE COMEDY!

3)       ACCEPT YOURSELF. IT IS OUR INABILITY TO ACCEPT OURSELVES FULLY, WITH ALL OUR WEAKNESSES AND SHORTCOMINGS THAT CAUSES SO MUCH ANGUISH IN OUR LIVES. LAUGH AT YOURSELF, AT YOUR BEHAVIOUR AND AT YOUR ANTICS. DON’T TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY. NO ONE ELSE DOES!!

4)       DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF WITH ANYONE. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEIR JOURNEY IS ALL ABOUT. DON’T LET YOUR NEIGHBOURS SET YOUR STANDARDS. BE YOURSELF. DON’T IMITATE OTHERS. INSTEAD OF BEING A POOR IMITATION, BE 100% ORIGINAL.

5)       DO NOT BLAME OTHERS FOR   YOUR   SORROWS AND PROBLEMS.

6)       TRY TO PUT YOURSELF   IN   OTHER   PEOPLE’S SHOES.

7)       TRY TO BE MORE OPEN    WITH    PEOPLE.

8)       DO NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS WILL THINK. THEY DON’T DO IT (THINK) VERY OFTEN ANYWAY! THE SO CALLED ‘OTHERS’ ARE EQUALLY WORRIED ABOUT WHAT ‘OTHERS’ WILL THINK!! WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF US IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYBODY. DON’T LET CRITICISM WORRY YOU. THE FACULTY OF IMAGINATION IS FOR CREATIVITY. IT SHOULD NOT BE MISUSED FOR WORRYING.

9)       WATCH YOUR HABITUAL REACTIONS TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU AND TO YOUR ENVIRONMENT. TRY TO REDUCE BEING DEPENDENT ON ANY PARTICULAR PLACE, TIME, OBJECT, PEOPLE, RELATIONSHIP, ENVIRONMENT, CONDITION, SITUATION AND CIRCUMSTANCE FOR HAPPINESS. ANY KIND OF DEPENDENCY IS A CAUSE FOR BONDAGE AND ANY KIND OF BONDAGE IS A CAUSE FOR MISERY. NO ONE IS IN CHARGE OF YOUR HAPPINESS EXCEPT YOU. NOBODY REALLY CARES IF YOU ARE MISERABLE. SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE HAPPY.

10)   DO NOT INTERFERE    IN OTHERS’ AFFAIRS    UNLESS ASKED TO DO SO.

11)   WHAT IS GIVEN TO YOU WILL BE TAKEN AWAY. IT INCLUDES THE INSTRUMENTS CALLED THE BODY, MIND AND INTELLECT THROUGH WHICH YOU FUNCTION IN THIS WORLD. SO DO NOT HOLD ON TO THINGS THAT DO NOT BELONG TO YOU.

12)   INTROSPECT REGULARLY. ANALYSE YOUR NEEDS, ATTACHMENTS, DESIRES, HABITS, HANG-UPS, WEAKNESSES AND SHORTCOMINGS. IT HELPS IN OVERCOMING THESE. VIEW THE WHOLE WORLD AND EVERY THING AND BEING IN IT AS YOUR TEACHER.

13)   REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO ATTAIN HIGHER LEVELS OF AWARENESS. TRY TO SEE THIS POTENTIAL IN ALL THE PEOPLE, NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT IT MAY BE.

14)   HAVE NO HATRED FOR ANY THING OR BEING, EVEN FOR A FRACTION OF A MOMENT—EVEN IN A DREAM. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WASTE TIME HATING ANYONE. SINCE HATE POISONS THE SOUL, DO NOT CHERISH HATRED. FORGIVE EVERYONE FOR EVERYTHING. ALWAYS FORGIVE YOUR ENEMIES—NOTHING ANNOYS THEM AS MUCH. LIKEWISE WE ALSO NEED TO APOLOGISE OR ASK FOR FORGIVENESS FROM THOSE WE MAY HAVE HURT KNOWINGLY OR UNKNOWINGLY. APOLOGISING DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE ARE WRONG AND THE OTHER ONE IS RIGHT. IT SIMPLY MEANS THAT WE VALUE THE RELATIONSHIP MUCH MORE THAN OUR EGO.

15)   DON’T AVOID DIFFICULT SITUATIONS. VERY FEW OF US ARE REALLY AWARE OF PROGRAMMING AND CONDITIONING OF THINGS AND BEINGS. WHEN WE RECOGNIZE IT THEN WE START TO DEAL WITH IT. HOWEVER GOOD OR BAD A SITUATION IS IT WILL CHANGE. DON’T SPEND TIME BROODING OVER SORROWS OR MISTAKES. DON’T BE ONE WHO NEVER GETS OVER THINGS. FRAME EVERY SO CALLED DISASTER WITH THESE WORDS “IN 5 YEARS WILL THIS MATTER?” TIME HEALS ALMOST EVERYTHING. GIVE TIME TIME.

16)   DON’T ALWAYS IDENTIFY YOURSELF COMPLETELY WITH YOUR MIND, BODY AND ACTIONS. EVENTS HAPPEN, DEEDS ARE DONE, BUT THERE IS NO INDIVIDUAL DOER THEREOF.

17) INSTEAD OF DOING WHAT YOU LIKE, START LIKING   WHAT YOU DO.

18)   UNHAPPINESS IS NOT KNOWING WHAT WE WANT AND KILLING OURSELVES TO GET IT. HAPPINESS IS A CONSCIOUS CHOICE, NOT AN AUTOMATIC RESPONSE. AVOID PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU UNHAPPY. KEEP YOURSELF BUSY. A BUSY PERSON NEVER HAS TIME TO BE UNHAPPY. YOU SIMPLY CANNOT BE UNHAPPY UNLESS YOU HAVE DECIDED TO BE UNHAPPY. MAKE UP YOUR MIND TO BE HAPPY. LEARN TO FIND PLEASURE IN SIMPLE THINGS.

19) LIVE IN THE NOW AND ENJOY THE PRESENT MOMENT. MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST SO THAT IT DOESN’T MESS-UP THE PRESENT. YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST, BUT YOU CAN RUIN THE PRESENT BY WORRYING ABOUT THE FUTURE. LIVING IN THE PRESENT MEANS CONSCIOUS ACTION NOT MECHANICAL MOVEMENT.

20) REMEMBER, YOU ARE TOO BLESSED TO BE STRESSED. THERE IS NOT A SHRED OF EVIDENCE TO PROVE THAT LIFE IS SERIOUS.WHEN SELF-KNOWLEDGE MATURES, THEN THE ENTIRE CREATION IS NOTHING BUT AN ENCYCLOPEDIA OF JOKES.....!!

.......LIVE, LOVE AND LAUGH A LOT ................      LIFE IS A GIFT, UNWRAP IT.......
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15                                     FIVE   FINGERS

1. Your thumb is nearest you. So begin your prayers by praying for those closest to you. They are the easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones is a 'sweet duty.'

2. The next finger is the pointing finger. Pray for those who teach, instruct and heal. This includes teachers, doctors, and ministers. They need support and wisdom in pointing others in the right direction. Keep them in your prayers.

3. The next finger is the longest one. It reminds us of our leaders. Pray for the president, leaders in business and industry, and administrators. These people shape our nation and guide public opinion. They need Gods' guidance.

4. The fourth finger is the ring finger. Surprising to many is the fact that this is our weakest finger, as any piano teacher will testify. It should remind us to pray for those who are weak, in trouble or in pain. They need your prayers day and night.

5. And lastly comes our little finger - the smallest finger of all which is where we should place ourselves in relation to God and others. As the Bible says, 'The least shall be the greatest among you.' Your pinkie should remind you to pray for yourself. By the time you have prayed for the other four groups, your own needs will be put into proper perspective and you will be able to pray for yourself more effectively.
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16          S I X     T O N I C S

    Our body was created to survive. How we survive depends on our conscious choices in the 6 Essentials for Life. If our choices are good we can lead a healthy life or else if made a bad choice the responses lead to pain, disease and death. It is a choice!

Evaluate
1. What you eat :-
There are two kinds of foods Acid and Alkaline. Our body is designed to function in an alkaline state, which requires alkaline foods — mostly fruits and vegetables. Eating too much of the acid foods makes your body acid, causing acute physical stress.

2. What you drink:-
Our body is majorly water and needs lots of liquids. Since our body regulates itself internally, drinking external stimulants puts added stress on your body and interferes with the regulation of blood sugar.

3. How you exercise:-
Our body needs exercise that increases heart rate, promotes muscle activity and aids neurological integration. Excellent exercises that achieve all three are swimming or walking correctly.

4.       How you rest:-
Adequate, uninterrupted sleep each night is essential for cell repair. Do not consume large meals too close to bedtime or drink the wrong liquids throughout the day, which over stimulates our body. This makes uninterrupted, restful, repairing sleep difficult.

5.       How and what you breathe:-
Correct breathing is important because it activates the diaphragm in a manner in which it was designed, which augments heart action. Correct breathing helps re balance the autonomic nervous system. Breathing is stressful. While the toxins in our food and liquids are cleaned by the liver before entering the bloodstream, the toxins we breathe — from smoking or living/working in a smoke/smog–filled environment, go directly into your bloodstream.

6.      What you think about:-
Thinking about lemons fills our mouth with saliva. In anger or fear our body is as uptight as if we are fighting a ferocious animal. In worry our nervous system triggers more acid into our stomach producing indigestion and ulcers. And most of these physically harmful feelings come from replaying the past.So by adopting the above six essential methods one can lead a happy and longer
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17              N I N E      G I F T S

                                                          The Gift of Listening:
But you must really listen. No interrupting, no daydreaming, no planning your response. Just listening.
                                                           The Gift of Affection:
Be generous with appropriate hugs, kisses, pats on the back and hand-holds. Let these small actions demonstrate the love you have for family and friends.
                                                           The Gift of Laughter:
Share farces and funny stories. Chuckle and giggle.   Grin, rejoice and show, " I love to laugh with you."
                                                           The Gift of a Written Note:
A brief, handwritten note may be remembered for a lifetime, and may even change a life.
                                                           The Gift of a Favor:
Every day, go out of your way to do something kind. Even simple, unobstrusive gestures.
                                                           The Gift of Solitude:
There are times when we want nothing better than to be left alone. Be sensitive to those times and give the gift of solitude to others. Donot disturb them.
                                                          The Gift of a Cheerful Disposition:
The easiest way to feel good is to extend a kind or cheerful word to someone. Really it’s not that hard to say, Hello or Thank You.
                                                          The Gift of a Compliment:
A simple and sincere, "You look great in red," "You did a super job" or "That was a wonderful meal" can boost someone’s day.
                                                          The Gift of Appreciation:
Let them know that you are grateful and you appreciate what they have done for you. SAY IT BOLDLY.
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18 ) A R T OF G I V I N G

"Rivers do not drink their own water, nor do tree eat their own fruit, nor do rain clouds eat the grains reared by them. The wealth of the noble is used solely for the benefit of others! Even after accepting that giving is good and that one must learn to give, several questions need to be answered.

The first question is: When should one give?

We all know the famous incident from Mahabharat.

Yudhisthir asks a beggar seeking alms to come the next day. On this, Bhim rejoices that Yudhisthir his brother, has conquered death! For he is sure that he will be around the next day to give. Yudhisthir gets the message. One does not know really whether one will be there tomorrow to give! The time to give therefore is now.

The next question is: 'How much to give?'

One recalls the famous incident from history.

Rana Pratap was reeling after defeat from the Moghals. He had lost his army, he had lost his wealth, and most important, he had lost hope, his will to fight. At that time, in his darkest hour, his erstwhile minister, Bhamasha, came seeking him and placed his entire fortune at the disposal of Rana Pratap. With this, Rana Pratap raised an army and lived to fight another day. The answer to this question how much to give is:

"Give as much as one can!

The next question is: 'What to give?'

It is not only money that can be given away. It could be a flower or even a smile.
It is not how much one gives but how one gives that really matters. When you give a smile to a stranger that may be the only good thing received by him in days and weeks!
"You can give anything but you must give with all your heart!"

One also needs answer to this question whom to give?

Many times we avoid giving by finding fault with the person who is seeking. However, being judgmental and rejecting a person on the presumption that he may not be the most deserving is not justified. Give without being judgmental!"

Next we have to answer: 'How to give?'

Coming to the manner of giving, one has to ensure that the receiver does not feel humiliated, nor the giver feels proud by giving.

In giving, follow the advice 'Let not your left hand know what your right hand gives? Charity without publicity and fanfare is the highest form of charity.'

'Give quietly!'

While giving, let not the recipient feel small or humiliated. After all, what we give never really belonged to us. We come to this world with nothing and will go with nothing. The thing gifted was only with us for a temporary period. Why then take pride in giving away something which really did not belong to us?

Give with grace and with a feeling of gratitude.

"What should one feel after giving?"

We all know the story of Eklavya. When Dronacharya asked him for his right thumb as "Guru Dakshina, he unhesitatingly cut off the thumb and gave it to Dronacharya.

There is a little known sequel to this story.

Eklavya was asked whether he ever regretted the act of giving away his thumb. He replied, and the reply has to be believed to be true, as it was asked to him when he was dying.
His reply was "Yes! I regretted this only once in my life. It was when Pandavas were coming in to kill Dronacharya who was broken hearted on the false news of death of his son, Ashwathama, and had stopped fighting. It was then that I regretted the loss of my thumb. If the thumb was there, no one could have dared hurt my Guru?

The message to us is clear. Give and never regret giving!

And the last question is: How much should we provide for our heirs ?'

Ask yourself 'are we taking away from them the gift of work? - A source of happiness? The answer is given by Warren Buffett:

"Leave your kids enough to do anything, but not enough to do nothing!"

let us conclude & learn the Art of Giving,---- quoting the Saint Kabir:

"When the wealth in the house increases,

when water fills a boat,

throw them out with both hands!" (KERALITES GP)

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19 ) No one can do anything for anyone.

It is an illusion that anyone can do anything for anyone. Each and every one of us come into this world with our own praarabdha (destiny). We enjoy or suffer in life strictly according to our own praarabdha. No one can be blamed for negative events and experiences that occur in our lives.

If it is in our praarabdha to help someone, it will happen so, not otherwise. Similarly if it is in the praarabdha of someone to receive our help, it will happen so, not otherwise. Having known this fact, we need to adopt an attitude of saakshi bhaava or witnessing consciousness in all our activities and interactions and relationships with the society and the world around us.

Instead of having saakshi bhaava, if we identify ourselves with a person and his / her problems and emotions, we are asking for trouble. We will suffer from misery and disappointment. If a doctor identifies himself with a patient's problem and be attached to or be emotionally involved with the patient he will never be able to treat the patient. Therefore a doctor avoids performing surgery on his own close relative for this very reason.

So we should do whatever we can to help others without identifying with the person or his / her problem. If we cannot do that it is better for us to stay away from that person otherwise it will have a negative effect on us. Many a times a person may resent anyone helping him to sort out his problems. Therefore, advice should never be given unless it is specifically sought from us. People also don't like others advising them when it is not solicited.

This does not mean that we should never render any help to anyone unless they first ask for it. There may be a few who may need help, but are too embarrassed to ask for it, yet will not refuse when rendered such help. We need to be sensitive to such people. Moreover, we should be careful that we don't develop an attitude of arrogance and a sense of superiority when we render such help. On the contrary we should thank the receivers of our help for giving us an opportunity to serve them. Why? This is because when we render such selfless service, it helps us to reduce the effects of our own negative karma-s.

We should understand that
ultimately one's own prarabdha (destiny)
takes care of one's problems in its own unique way.

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20 ) Interesting quote from the movie

"Why did I get married....?"

In most cases, especially in relationships, you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship.. There is always another person (man or woman) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship that you WANT And believe me, 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship.

But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you know you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT.
But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.

Be careful in deciding between

what you WANT and NEED in your life.

Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.
Because no wife or husband is perfect.

Because a spouse will only have 80% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 20%.

Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature.
You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cherry laugh no matter what she says:

"I broke my arm yesterday, Hahahaha . . .."

Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pajamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil,

you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office

in a sharp black blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt

Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat

when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait!

That's only 20% of what you don't have.

Don't throw away the 80% that you already have!
That's not all. Add to your spouse's 80% the 100% that represents all the years

that you have been with each other. The storms you have weathered together.

The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple.

The many adjustments you have made to love the other.

The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.
Faithfulness happens when you start thanking God

for what you already have..

But I'm not just talking about marriage.
I'm talking about life!

About your jobs.
About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.

Are you like the economy airline passenger that perennially peeks through

the door of the first class cabin, obsessed with what he's missing?

"They have got more leg room! Oh my, their food is served in porcelain!

Wow, their seats recline at an 80% angle and they've got personal videos!"

I guarantee you'll be miserable for the entire trip!

Don't live your life like that...

Forget about what the world says is first class..Do you know that there are many first class passengers who are miserable in first class --because they are not riding in a private Lear Jet?
The main message
If you start appreciating what you have right now,

wherever you are, you are first class!

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21 When you thought I wasn't looking

I saw you hang my first painting

on the refrigerator,

and I immediately wanted to paint another one.